Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Set alarms for random times.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with

friends in public consisting

entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip-"

Leave you Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's

Stereo, with the volume

properly adjusted.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a

"croaking" noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Wear your pants backwards.

Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

Leave someone's printer in

compressed-italic-cryillic-landscape mode.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

***Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.***

At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your


Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what

YOU think".

Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the

listener it was a "real


Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying

everything they touch with a can

of Lysol.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in

co-worker's brains, such

as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr.

Rogers theme song.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your

head like a parakeet.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Change your name to John Aaaaaasmith for the great

glory of being first in

the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and

demand that people pronounce

each A.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing

cars to see if they

slow down.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations,

and see if people play

along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Sing along at the opera.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in

accordance with prophesy".

Ask your co-worker's mysterious questions, and

scribble their answers in a

notebook. Mutter something about "psychological


Do not add any inflection to the end of your

sentences, producing awkward

silences with the impression that you'll be saying

more any moment.

Never break eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your

hands over your ears.

Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action

in a nasal Howard

Cossell voice.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties


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