Rude Astrology

 Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22)
 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie
 a great deal.  You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid.
 Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

 Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
 You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are
 quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice.  You do nothing but
 piss-off everyone you come in contact with.  You are a prick.

 Aries  (Mar 23 - April 22)
 You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by
 the FBI or CIA.  You have minor influence on your friends and people  resent
 you for flaunting your power.  You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

 Taurus (April 23 - May 22)
 You are practical and persistent.  You have a dogged determination and work
 like hell.  Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.  You
 are nothing but a goddamned communist.

 Gemini (May 23 - June 22)
 You are a quick and intelligent thinker.  People like you because you
 are bisexual.  You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This
 means your are a cheap bastard.  Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

 Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
 You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems,
 which makes you a sucker.  You are always putting things off. That is why you
 will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit.  Everyone in prison is a
 Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
 You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are an idiot.
Most Leos
are bullies.  You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your
arrogance is
disgusting.  Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy
masturbation more
than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
  You are the logical type and hate disorder.  Your shit-picking
  attitude is
  sickening to your friends and co-workers.  You are cold and
  unemotional and
  often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and
  pimps.
 
  Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
  You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with
  reality.  If
  you are a male you are probably queer.  Chances for employment and
  monetary
  gain are nil.  Most Libra women are whores.  All Libras die of
  venereal
  disease.
 
  Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
  You are the worst of the lot.  You are shrewd in business and cannot
  be
  trusted.  You shall achieve the pinnacle of  success because of your
  total lack
  of ethics.  You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch.  Most Scorpios are
  murdered.
 
  Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
  You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a reckless tendency
 to
  rely on
  your luck since you have no talent.  The majority of Sagittarians
 are
  drunks.
  You are a worthless piece of shit.
 
  Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
  You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You are basically
  chickenshit.  There has never been a Capricorn of  any importance.
 You  should kill yourself.