Your Cat Might Want to Kill You

     Fifteen Signs That Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You....
 15.  Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
 14.  Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.
 13.  You find a stash of Feline of Fortune magazines behind the couch.
 12.  Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
 11.  You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
 10.  As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a
      faint whiff of catnip.
  9.  Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
  8.  Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking
      at me?  Mew looking at me?"
  7.  Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
  6.  You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse
      chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
  5.  Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
  4.  Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
  3.  Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
  2.  You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."
  1.  Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.

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