"Maybe there is no actual place called hell.  Maybe
    hell is just having to listen to our grandparents 
    breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
    --Jim Carrey

   "My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her
    out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she 
    learned how to  swim.  I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to 
    teach you how to swim.' "
   --Paula Poundstone

   "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line
    up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
    What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
    --Warren Hutcherson

   "I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability 
    to  use language that makes him the dominant species on the
    planet.   That may be.  But I think there's one other thing that
    separates us from animals.  We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."
    --Jeff Stilson

   "Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
    I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
    --Sue Murphy

   "What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?"
   --Marilyn Pittman


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