Contraceptive Jelly

  A woman is suing the pharmacy that sold her a popular contraceptive
 jelly because she ate the stuff on toast and got pregnant anyway.
 And, incredibly, many legal experts are saying she's got an excellent
 chanceof collecting!

 "The woman is a complete idiot," said one attorney who asked that we
 not use his name. "How bright can you be if you think eating a vaginal
 gel will prevent conception?

 "But certain aspects of the case involve truth in labeling and
 false advertising issues. She may not collect but she'll make a
 lot of noise and trouble. People are down on lawyers anyway. They
 thinkwe waste time and money on frivolous lawsuits. This isn't going 
 to help our public relations any."

 A spokesman for the unnamed mom-and-pop drugstore says he's
 shocked and angry that such a case could ever be taken seriously.
 "All she has to do is open the box and read the directions," says
 the spokesman. "Next thing you know someone will come after us 
 because they couldn't stick things together with their toothpaste. 
"I can just imagine some moron saying: 'It's paste, isn't it? 
 Why can't I glue these papers onto my bulletin board?' "

 "It says right on it 'jelly,'" says Mrs. Chyton, a former model
 who was once a cheerleader for a popular professional basketball
 team.

 "And they kept it on the shelf just two aisles from the food
 section. I know, now, that the directions say it should be used
 vaginally with a condom.

 "But who has time to sit around reading directions these days -
 especially when you're sexually aroused?

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