Avoid Foul Language!

    It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals 
     throughout the company have been using foul language during the course 
     of normal conversation with other employees.  Due to complaints 
     received from some employees who are more easily offended, this type 
     of language will no longer be tolerated.
     None of less we do realize the critical importance of individuals 
     being able  to properly express their feelings when communicating with 
     fellow employees.  Therefore, a list of code phrase replacements has 
     been compiled so proper exchange of ideas and information can continue 
     in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive 
     OLD PHRASE                                 PREFERRED NEW PHRASE
 No fucking way!                                 I'm certain that's not
 You've got to be shitting me.                   Really?
 Tell someone who gives a fuck.           Perhaps you should check with...  

 Ask me if I give a fuck.                       Of course I'm concerned

 It's not my fucking problem.                I wasn't involved with that

 What the fuck?                                   Interesting.

 Fuck it, it won't work.                        I'm not sure I can implement

  Why the fuck didn't you tell me         I'll try to schedule that. 
  that sooner?

  When the fuck do you expect           Perhaps I can work late. 
  me to do about this?

  Who the fuck cares?                        Are you sure this is a

  He's get his head up his ass.             He's not familiar with the

 Eat shit!                                           You don't say. 

 Eat shit and die.                               Excuse me?

 Eat shit and die motherfucker.          Excuse me Sir?

 What the fuck do they                     They weren't happy with it? 
 want from my life?
Kiss my ass. So you'd like my help with it? Fuck it, I'm on salary. I don't think you understand. Shove it up your ass. I love a "challenge". Who the hell died and You want me to take made you the boss? care of this? Blow me. I see. Blow yourself. Do you see? Another fucking meeting? Yes, we really should discuss this. I really don't give a shit. I don't think it will be a problem. He's a fucking prick. He's somewhat insensitive. She's a ball-breaking bitch. She's an aggressive go-getter. You don't know what the I think you could use more fuck you're doing. training. This place is all fucked up. We're a little disorganized.
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