Mistranslations

                                      
     This is a list of various signs written in English around the world:


In a Tokyo hotel:
     Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
     person to do such a thing please do not read this notice.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
     The lift is being fixed for the next day. During the time we
     regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
     Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
     To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
     should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
     wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national
     order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
     Please leave your values at the front desk.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
     Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots
     of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
     Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
     Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners:
     Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
     Order your summers suit. Because is a big rush we will execute
     customers in strict rotation.

In a Zurich hotel:
     Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
     in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
     Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
     Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having
     a good time.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
     Special today: no ice cream

In a Bangkok temple:
     It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
     Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
     Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
     Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food,
     give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
     Specialists in women and other diseases.

>From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
     Cooles and Heates: If you want to just condition of warm in your
     room, please control yourself.

>From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
     When a passenger of food heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
     melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then
     tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
     English well talking
     Here speeching America

>From a sign in a commercial parking lot, downtown San Francisco:
     All day $7.00. Free In-and-Out.

A turf sign in Singapore:
     Expectoration upon grass and refuse upon grass and amble upon grass
     and glee upon notice may procure unfortunate backlash. Upon authority.

In a Finnish hotel room:
     In case of fire, please stuff a towel under the door, and
     expose yourself at the window.