Tid Bits

                                      
    
   Q: Why don't blind people go sky diving? 
    A: Because it scares their dogs half to death.
  
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   I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have
  something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
  
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   A lady friend of mine told me that at our age she has found that going
   bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of her face.
  
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   You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have
   you got a cat?"  Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
  
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   I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons
   and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use.  Perhaps toothpicks?
  
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   Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case
 of an
  emergency.  I think you should write...  A Good Doctor!
  
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   Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are 
 we
  supposed to do ... write to these men?  Why don't they just put their
 pictures
  on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they
 delivered
  the mail?
  
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   The best part of waking up is going back to sleep.
  
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   I can't believe that dumb cop gave me a ticket for an open container. 
 He
  couldn't even find it till I showed it to him.
  
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   At my office we are taking up a collection to send Newt Gingrich on a
 skiing
  trip.
  
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   If she was going to marry a football player, I wish Kathie Lee would
   have chosen O.J. instead of Frank.
  
  
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   Feel secure all night, sleep with a cop.
  
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   Selling tickets to visit a grave?  And the Brits think Americans are
   shallow and gross.
  
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   I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.
  
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  There has long been a rumor that W. R. Grace Co. was going to
  buy the Fuller Brush Co. and Mary Kay Cosmetics and then merge with the
 Hale
  Business Systems. This would result in the new mega-corporate entity
 known
  as..... "Hale Mary Fuller Grace." ...
  
  Don't forget the failed merger between Yahoo and Netscape. ...
  Net'n'yahoo. .. It didn't work out because they were afraid they would
 have to
  relocate the headquarters ... Intel aviv.                                
     
  
                                               (Both by Gary Hollack)
  
  What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
  Bad Golfer:  "Whack!"  "DAMN IT!"
  Bad Skydiver:  "DAMN IT!!"  "Whack!!"