UNIX Humor

    43rd Law of Computing:
	Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation - Core dumped



A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
	She found a good way
	To combine work and play:
She sells C shells by the seashore.



A very intelligent turtle
Found programming UNIX a hurdle
	The system, you see,
	Ran as slow as did he,
And that's not saying much for the turtle.



And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.



Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.



Bell Labs Unix - Reach out and grep someone.



better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus town

cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus  town

who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
	be good
}



"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it."
		- Donald Knuth



CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..



E Pluribus Unix



/earth is 98% full... please delete anyone you can.



Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.



f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.



f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.



How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: "We'll fix it in software."

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: "We'll document it in the manual."

How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: "The user can work it out."



Making files is easy under the UNIX operating system.  Therefore, users
tend to create numerous files using large amounts of file space.  It
has been said that the only standard thing about all UNIX systems is
the message-of-the-day telling users to clean up their files.
		- System V.2 administrator's guide



New crypt.  See /usr/news/crypt.



	One of the questions that comes up all the time is: How
enthusiastic is our support for UNIX?
	Unix was written on our machines and for our machines many
years ago.  Today, much of UNIX being done is done on our machines.
Ten percent of our VAXs are going for UNIX use.  UNIX is a simple
language, easy to understand, easy to get started with.  It's great for
students, great for somewhat casual users, and it's great for
interchanging programs between different machines.  And so, because of
its popularity in these markets, we support it.  We have good UNIX on
VAX and good UNIX on PDP-11s.
	It is our belief, however, that serious professional users will
run out of things they can do with UNIX. They'll want a real system and
will end up doing VMS when they get to be serious about programming.
	With UNIX, if you're looking for something, you can easily and
quickly check that small manual and find out that it's not there.  With
VMS, no matter what you look for - it's literally a five-foot shelf of
documentation - if you look long enough it's there.  That's the
difference - the beauty of UNIX is it's simple; and the beauty of VMS
is that it's all there.
		- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, 1984



Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
	Thy programs run, thy syscalls done,
	in kernel as it is in user!



Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.



Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job?
A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.



Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.



SCCS, the source motel!  Programs check in and never check out!
		- Ken Thompson



The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory,
in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.

	But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for
	whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
		- Matthew 5:37



The world is coming to an end.	Please log off.



This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88



Usage: fortune -P [] -a [xsz] [Q: [file]] [rKe9] -v6[+] dataspec... inputdir



[YOU MIGHT HAVE MAIL]



Your fault: core dumped

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